how everything still turns to gold


Here is a 6-minute excerpt from my performance piece “how everything still turns to gold,” which is an excerpt from the longer (yet-to-be-made) work “a long lineage of loneliness, and dreams,” This performance was recorded on July 12 at Ponderosa in Stolzenhagen, Germany.

I’m hoping to complete the longer, evening-length version by the end of 2019, AND it includes making a zine! With the help of a few friends, a zine relating to themes of loneliness, adolescence, music, dreams, and growing pains featuring poetry, artwork, playlists, and other creative musings will be part of the final work!

If you’d like to chew on these topics and have something to contribute to the conversation (or the zine), email me at I’d love to hear what you have to say.

hugz, y’all 💜


Fall Pilates Teaching Schedule

After almost three months away from Berlin, I’m back and I’m ready to kick your butt into Pilates shape! Here’s a snazzy flyer of my current teaching schedule. Click on my Teacher page for links to the studios (and class signup), and to learn more about me.

Oh how I missed making you all suffer…. 😈 😇 💕 💪 🌈

SPRING into Pilates!

I can’t believe I just wrote that … but seriously, I’ve been really into jumping lately! And standing work including balance and exercises that focus on resisting gravity. Join me for a class this April and welcome the sun back to the northern hemisphere with me!

pilates april 2019.jpg

Write me to let me know if you have any questions or concerns. You can also find out more info about my philosophy as a teacher, and even a (really, really old) video of me stretching using Pilates principles to guide the stretches here!

What do I have to give, and what do I want to give?

photo by  Simone Marchetti

In conversation with friends last night I posed the question, How do I get more Instagram followers? My friends set about grilling me about my brand* and guiding me towards online workshops about how to get more followers**. Their responses made me realize that the question I have is not exactly, How do I get more Instagram followers, but actually, What the heck am I doing out here anyway? By “out here anyway” I mean as out here (on Instagram, in the world) as an artist. It can be very lonely to be an artist, especially in a (still) new city, and when I’m without projects I spend a lot of time wandering around having no idea what I’m doing with myself. I feel terrible about that, like a REAL artist is so immersed in their pursuit of beauty/truth/whatever all the time that they would chase this inspiration to the end of the earth without periods of creative quietude. This, for better and worse, is not how I experience creativity. I find that creativity is like keys dropped in a muddy pond- the more I dig around trying to “get” it, the more dirt from the bottom gets rustled up and obstructs my view. So I wait, and walk, and try to keep my body agile and available for the next moment of quiet clarity.

When I re-framed my question to my friends as having less to do with numbers and more to do with purpose, my friends started asking me the deeper questions. The one that particularly resonated was, What do I have to give, and what do I want to give?

The answer?

I don’t know.

But I do see something at the bottom of the pond. I see that what I have, and want, to give:

  • has to do with co-creating spaces of embodiment and freedom

  • has to do with making our bodies safer places to inhabit

  • has to do with feminism

  • has to do with accepting, and giving permission to, our bodies to look, feel, and move in any way

  • has to do with joy

and on some level, it has to connect me with other people. I think this is where my question about Instagram followers came from- my desire to be more connected to people through what I love, and a hope that I can really achieve that.

I expect this will not be the last post documenting my thoughts about what I have, and want, to give. I expect, too, that this will be an exciting journey full of wrong turns, scary shadows, and countless opportunities for humiliating myself in public. But this is just par for the course. What matters more is that I trust that the journey will give me what I need every step of the way, and don't lose hope. And also that I have at least 900 Instagram followers before the end of the year.

*all over the place

**apparently it’s all about algorithms, whatever that means

what I'm into lately

I disabled my Facebook account- yay! The reason? Too many triggering news stories of late. I need a break. The only things I miss about Facebook are the ease with which I can see what’s happening in my friends lives; sharing events about my life; and the steady stream of interesting articles, podcasts, books, movies, and events that I find through my friends posts. I haven’t figured out how replace these features in my life without Facebook, but I’m working on it. And in the meantime, I want to share some consumables that I’m into right now.

This interview with Martin Shaw on Emergence Magazine. He tells and talks about stories in such an expansive, wondrous way. His thoughts reflect how I think about making dance: creation as an experience that happens in the dark, in the shadows of our consciousness. I loved hearing someone put words to this experience, and also hearing one wonderful story at the beginning of the interview.

This magazine is spectacular! It’s called Salty, and it’s “the new, radically inclusive media brand and community exploring everything modern dating, sex, and relationships for women, trans and non binary people” (from the website). The features, photographs, and interviews are inspiring because they challenge normativity on every level. They also have an Instagram worth following!

Seeing White from Scene on Radio was so damn good. It’s history, social science, sociology, and deep reflections on whiteness rolled into a 14-part podcast series. It’s a very sobering listen that looks at whiteness in the USA from different perspectives, and it was produced in NC by the Center for Documentary Studies at Duke. I recommend this particularly for white folks.

That’s it for now! Comments are on, and if you feel like sharing something you’re really into (or any thoughts about what I shared) than please do! I’d love to hear.


Tunisia and Chouftouhonna: cracking open my world

Three weeks ago I got on a plane and flew to Tunis, Tunisia, to participate in the 4th annual Chouftouhonna International Festival of Feminist Art. I first heard about the festival from three friends who performed there last year. They encouraged me to apply, and go, by promising me that I would meet interesting people and see good art. Other than this somewhat vague idea of what could happen, I really didn’t know what to expect from the festival or the country.

My Eurocentric ass got a reality check the moment I disembarked the plane and walked into an airport filled with women in hijab. Unlike anywhere else I have been, hijab was not the exception- it was the rule. Waiting for my ride to the hotel, I watched the women as they went about their lives, wondering what it was like to be them. As I resisted the urge to impose an imagined narrative on them, I opened to the reality that I really don’t know what it’s like to be them; and was reminded of the fact that there are many worlds about which I know nothing. Tunisia in particular is different from anywhere I’ve ever been- it is an Arabic country with a very high Muslim population; a place where English is not the first or second language; and home to a population that overthrew its president/dictator only 7 years ago. Recognizing how little I knew about Tunisia’s history, culture, and people enabled me to approach the rest of the trip with an openness and eagerness to learn about other people’s lives.

Luckily, I got to do this through art and conversation! The festival was four days long, and full to the brim with activities: performances, visual arts exhibitions, panel discussions, films, workshops, and lots of hanging around. I met Faiza Ramadan, a visual artist from Libya who, in addition to displaying two incredible paintings at the festival, told me about life in Libya after the 2011 revolution. I met Reem Sabra, a student and activist from Egypt who grew up in Saudi Arabia, who shared so much with me about what it’s like to be a woman in these two countries. I met a Tunisian woman who spoke with me about her experience participating in the 2011 Tunisian revolution and how life-changing it was to put her body on the line for something in which she believed. I met Daiffa, a visual artist who draws scathing satirical cartoons on the subjects of women’s rights, economic inequality, and politics, and attempted a conversation with her in French that devolved into hand gestures and laughter. I saw a powerful performance by Palestinian artist Farah Barqawi called “Papa, viens chez moi” about a woman’s complicated relationship with her father, and took a life-affirming dance workshop with Anna Luna Serlenga of Corps Citoyen, a collective making “emergency artistic interventions.” The offerings, and people, were many, and the experience was a rich reminder in how big and diverse the world is.

I performed my solo ‘soft fists insist’* on the last day of the festival, and am proud to say that it was very well-received! I loved seeing the faces of some of my new friends in the audience, and it felt awesome to share this piece with them. I also received a wonderful compliment from an audience member afterwards, who declared that the piece “was like being sucked into a black hole- but a positive one!” I love this kind of creative feedback.

I’ve now shown ‘soft fists insist’ at four venues in Berlin, and one in Tunisia. I felt a big difference performing at Chouftouhonna vs. performing in Berlin. In Berlin, there’s nothing radical or dangerous about a white cis-gendered queer female performer making feminist art- it’s quite typical, and in fact, something I love about Berlin is how surrounded I feel by queer feminist artists. In Tunisia, it is definitely radical to call oneself a feminist, and potentially dangerous to be queer. Performing my piece, and just being at the festival in solidarity with so many other feminist and queer artists, was a powerful reminder of how important the struggle for female and queer liberation is.

Something about this experience feels life-changing. That’s a big statement, and it’s only been a week. But here’s the thing: in Tunisia, I was immersed in an Arabic, mostly Muslim, non-European culture that is fully invested in - not to mention occupied with - the struggle of building a future different from its past, and that immersion was good for me. Meeting the interesting people and seeing the good art (as my friends promised) cracked open my world because I was surrounded by people who speak, and do, things differently than I’m used to. It’s been awhile since my desires to learn and understand new ways of being were so fully satiated, and it is exactly this kind of mind-bending world-stretching experience that reminds me of how big, beautiful, and diverse the world is; and that some things- like equal rights and visibility for women and queers- are always worth showing up for.

Check out some photos from my trip on Flickr and visit the Chouftouhonna website and Facebook page for more information about the festival. If you’re a trans or female-identifying artist, I encourage you to apply next year! And hopefully I will see you there <3

*What happens when dreams and reality collide? In “soft fists insist”, a woman is confronted with popular images and ideas about how she - young, white, and female — should behave in the world. As she grapples to interpret these ideations, she begins to lose track of her deeper needs and fears. A piece about the space between what we are and what we imagine ourselves to be, “soft fists insist” asks the question: how does the unconscious relate to social constructions such as femininity, ageing, and desire?

To see some highlights of my piece ‘soft fists insist’ check out my Instagram post from September 22 or watch the whole thing on Vimeo!

photo by Zahra Banzi

photo by Zahra Banzi

oh hey!

It's been awhile! I've been busy taking care of business- important business- things like finding a long-term flatshare rental in Berlin, building a steady Pilates teaching schedule, and studying German. While it's been good (and necessary) to turn my attention to these self-sustaining activities, I've missed the fecund creativity and interpersonal connections spawned by big collaborative artistic endeavors.

Lucky for me I have some of these things coming up in the next weeks, months, and throughout the year! This newsletter covers a few of them - including info about performances both here and abroad; a link to an interview I did with The Field NYC; and an invitation to share your thoughts in order to help me prepare for an upcoming project.

I'm The Field NYC Meet Our Artists feature this month!

Check out this interview I did with The Field NYC! And do it soon, July is almost over!

MOA NICOLA BULLOCK dance-maker, performer, teacher, student and sponsored artist of The Field.png

Faking It

This weekend I will perform in an improvisational dance spectacular with FAKE COMPANY about the intersection of reckonings (the time when one is called to account for one's actions) and antidotes (the balm, tonic, or cure). Don't know what that means? Neither do I! Ah, the beauty of improvisation!

FAKE at DOCK 11 postcard [front].jpg

GRRL HAUS CINEMA and Chouftouhonna!

Over the next two months I will have the pleasure of performing my 15-minute solo soft fists insist at two different events: on August 15 at the next GRRL HAUS CINEMA event at Loophole in Berlin; and in the beginning of September at the feminist arts festival Chouftouhonna in Tunis, Tunisia! Both of these events are super cool, and I am so excited for the opportunity to share my work, meet new friends, and experience a totally new culture.

photo by Zahra Banzi

photo by Zahra Banzi

I See You   Last January in Durham I modeled in this super-fun photo shoot at the  Durham Fruit with  Moriah LeFebvre Clayton . We were photographed by  Jed Gammon &nbsp;and styled by  Alexis Artist .&nbsp;

I See You

Last January in Durham I modeled in this super-fun photo shoot at the Durham Fruitwith Moriah LeFebvre Clayton. We were photographed by Jed Gammon and styled by Alexis Artist

last but not least

I'm so excited to announce that I will be coming to the US over the winter to dance, teach, perform, and PARTY! (haha just kidding I go to bed at like 10:00). But come I will: to make things, deepen relationships, and stay connected to the complex, troubled, and nonetheless amazing country I call home. As a way of helping me prepare for the experience, I invite you to write to me your thoughts about one (or all) of the following:

- Three words that describe your 2018 so far
- Any thoughts about what has changed in your life over the past two years, specifically in relation to the current political climate and situations
- Your dream day, by which I mean THE BEST DAY YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE

That's it for now. Thank you so much, and have a beautiful day!



The Field NYC is a non-profit that serves artists of all ilk making work in the USA. It is totally awesome - it provides funding opportunities, workshops, resources, and more to artists. It also provides fiscal sponsorship, which means that artists can receive tax-deductible contributions and payments for their work as though they are non-profit agencies, thereby lightening the tax load and basically making the whole art-business more legitimate. And I am their featured artist of the month! Check out the interview here, or read below!

I am…
A dance-maker, performer, teacher, and student

I’m inspired by… 
The people who have come before me - back to the first humans to ever walk upright – and by the generations yet to come. I am inspired by the fact that dance has always held an important role in connecting people to themselves, each other, the world, and the cosmos. I am inspired by the endless wealth of ways that different bodies move as they seek to lead fulfilling lives.

I’m proud of… 
Championing the voices of local dance-makers in Durham NC by producing shows, cofounding an organization that curates a season of dance, and working with theater companies to bridge the theater and dance communities.

My goals are…
To hear the ancient wisdom of the body; to learn how to transmit a visceral sensation to others through dancing; to adventure places outside of prescribed roles and movement patterns; and to keep a good sense of humor while at it.

How does The Field help you? 
I'm excited to be a Fiscally Sponsored Artist at The Field! This allows me to fundraise and apply for grants with the backing of an incredible organization. 

Any advice for fellow artists? 
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” - Samuel Beckett

Couch photo by Noah Rosenblatt-Farrell.&nbsp;Field photo © Nicola Bullock.&nbsp;Mustache photo by Mayra Wallraff.

Couch photo by Noah Rosenblatt-Farrell. Field photo © Nicola Bullock. Mustache photo by Mayra Wallraff.

New Pilates Classes!

photo by Jon Haas

photo by Jon Haas

Wednesday in Schöneberg @ Chalotte Nexgaard Pilates

9am - Allegro Reformer

10am - Mat


Fridays in Schöneberg @ Chalotte Nexgaard Pilates

9am - Mat

10am - Allegro Reformer


Saturdays in Friedrichshain @ Workout Berlin

10am - Beginner Reformer

11:15am - Reformer

*both of the studios take Urban Sports Club so check the app for more info!*

*also feel free to get in touch with me if you have questions, concerns, insecurities, fears, skepticism, or resistance in any way to Pilates or exercise in general. I totally understand, and I may be able to help*

That's a Wrap!

ALL PHOTOS by Moriah LeFebvre

ALL PHOTOS by Moriah LeFebvre

Guten Tag Liebe Leute!

It's been six weeks since IMAGO wrapped, and to be honest, I still don't know what to do with myself. The project left me with awe, gratitude, and pride on a scale I have never before experienced. This level of life-changing event doesn't happen everyday, and it has made assimilating back into non-IMAGO life feel a lot like this. As anyone who follows me on social media already knows, I'm coping with said feelings by consuming chocolate croissants and making memes about life in Berlin. To be honest, they're helping. 

It also helps to know that IMAGO will live on in various forms - in festivals (in Berlin and hopefully several other places as well), in photographs of the show, and in the memories of the people who saw it.

As I move forwards with life post-IMAGO, I'm building a regular Pilates-teaching practice here and am looking for a flat to live in long-term. After a year and a half of adventures in different living-and-working situations, I am excited to return to a more structured and stable day-to-day.

Finally, despite the awkwardness of integrating this life-changing event into my understanding of how the world can work, I'm beyond grateful for the opportunity to do so. Thank you. To everyone who donated time or money, thank you for believing. To everyone who reached out with kind words, cookies, letters, and encouragement, thank you for your support. And to everyone who saw IMAGO, thank you for coming. I am so humbled by this experience, and hope that it touched you in some way as well.




from the media

Byron Woods' (INDYweek) and Susan Brioli's (Susan Brioli Arts) insightful previews brilliantly put into words my intention and instinct behind making IMAGO. After its premiere, Michaela Dwyer(INDYweek) and Susan Brioli's positive reviews provided valuable thoughts and feedback of the work, as well as giving my mom something to brag about (4 stars!).

I was also featured on Tamara Kissane's awesome podcast, Artists Soapbox, a labor of love that is also a huge gift to the local community - a platform for artists to speak deeply and passionately about their work and place in Triangle arts and the world. Check out my interview with her and listen to more on her website!




IMAGO team updates

Gifted, generous, gorgeous, and glorious, these wonderful people who came together to make IMAGO continue to create and inspire post-IMAGO. Here's a little about what they're up to!

Josephine Decker just premiered her film Madeline's Madeline at Sundance and Berlinale to wildly positive reviews.  She is now in LA getting her next projects off the ground and spending as much time in nature as possible so she remembers she is human and she used to know the moon like the eyes of her teddy bear.

Judith Förster got back to her studies in dance, context and choreography at HZT in Berlin, from which she will graduate this summer! In addition, she has been invited to the Cheers for Fears festival in Mülheim an der Ruhr (Germany) to show her research on melting mountains and melted hearts.

JaMeeka Holloway-Burrell is in the crux of planning - Black Ops Theatre Company presents The Bull City Black Theatre Festival, which plays March 15th-18th and March 23rd+24th at Manbites Dog Theater! Visit to learn more.

Patience O'Neill is on to the next project, and then the one after that. No true break in sight, just how they like it.

Nicolle Wasserman has now been a resident of Santa Fe, NM for 6 months and is loving the desert life! Since IMAGO, she has thrown herself full throttle into her work at Meow Wolf, doing her arts management thing to support the creation of a new 50,000 square foot immersive art installation in Las Vegas, NV, opening December 2019. 

final thoughts

One thing I realized in making IMAGO was how important Durham is to me. By "Durham" I mean the people there - friends, family, artists, community members - and I want to spend a few months a year there in order to stay connected to the people and the place. If you have any ideas about how to make this possible, particularly if they involve creative collaborations, hit me up! I'm up for dreaming and down for working. or WhatsApp +1 917 597 5057

herzliche grüße,

INDY review!

What's in Imago's shadows? Whenever you feel you're about to grasp the weirdness between the poses, between the scream and the giggle, it's already gone. This is what the piece does best: it throws a spotlight on what's hidden while insisting, Wait, there's more, there's more, there's more.

Check out this 4-star review from Michaela Dwyer @INDY Week!

(but only if you've seen the show! Otherwise be prepared for some serious spoilers!)

Screen Shot 2017-12-30 at 10.56.28 AM.png


January 11 - 13 and 18 - 20
Durham Fruit Company
305 S. Dillard St.
Durham, NC
doors open at 7:45 / show starts at 8:00
$10 tickets in advance / $12 tickets at the door

tickets available here


I talked with Tamara Kissane of  The Artists Soapbox on Wednesday about all sorts of thing - from where the piece was born, to why I choose Durham as a performance location, to what international collaboration looks like. I will post it on my websitewhen it's up and ready sometime early next week!

A few more highlights from the past week

I performed soft fists insistan excerpt from IMAGO, two weekends ago at ada Studios in Berlin and they made a cool trailer for it - watch here!

soft fists insist will travel to Georgia (the country!) in 2018 as part of the experimental contemporary dance festival CIRCE! If you were looking for a reason to travel to Georgia, here is your excuse!

dramaturg Josephine Decker's most recent film Madeline's Madeline, starring Miranda July and Molly Parker, just got into Sundance!

Faye Driscoll, dance-maker extraordinaire, dropped into rehearsals last week to give her feedback about the piece. It was an honor and delight to work in the studio with her!


And our ticketing website is live!


January 11 - 13 and 18 - 20

Durham Fruit Company


$10 tickets in advance / $12 at the door

*No one turned away for lack of funds*


Thanks to 76 super generous super supportive people, our Kickstarter succeeded yesterday and that means that EVERYONE WORKING ON THIS PROJECT GETS PAID FOR THEIR WORK! It shouldn't be as revolutionary as it is, but the truth is that lots of projects don't compensate the people behind the scenes. OR the choreographer (me) ends up playing the role of EVERYONE - production manager, technical director, costumer ... you get the idea. It's so much better that the folks who are actually good at these things do them! It means I can focus on the art-making. And the generous support of our donors makes that possible. Thank you to EVERYONE who donated, either through the kickstarter or directly to me through my fiscal sponsor. You are rocking my world!!!!!!

Getting to know the IMAGO team week! Sunday: back on track with Josephine!

Talking to Josephine Decker is so fun. She's imaginative, articulate, goofy, and kind - all traits that draw me to working with her! I sat down with her for this interview yesterday. Her thoughtful observations and clear ideas blew my mind. I can't wait to start working with her in the studio tomorrow!

Check out our Kickstarter here and help support everyone who is helping make IMAGO come to life!

And stay tuned for interviews with Technical Director JaMeeka Holloway-Burrell and Costume Designer Judith Förster later this week!

Getting to know the IMAGO team week (detour)! Today: Learning to Let Go (the costuming edition)

Asking Judith Förster to be my costume designer was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I say that because it would have been so easy for me to have not made that decision, and stuck to the old habit of trying to outfit myself. I've done it this way for years: pulling out dresses and old leotards I never wear; or shopping at thrift stores and asking friends if they have something I can borrow. These methods may serve the end goal of having something to wear, but it's rare that said something is perfect. It's usually just convenient and inexpensive.

Judith and I met at pOnderosa last summer, and I was immediately drawn to her artistic sensibility, unapologetic style, and bold personality. I knew I wanted to work with her someday, but I didn't know any when or where or how.

This summer, as I began work on IMAGO, I realized that my old costuming habits would need to change if I was going to fulfill the vision I have for the piece. I knew that alone, I wouldn't give my costume the attention it needed; and I knew, too, how powerful a good costume can be (and how devastating a bad costume can be). Excited by the very idea of working with Judith, I asked her to be my costume designer. She said yes.

We met several times over the course of two months in Berlin. In the earlier meetings, Judith would ask me details about the piece: what are my inspirations and motivations? what is the color palette? what mood am I trying to achieve? She listened as I voiced my answers, and always reciprocated with her own understanding and take on the piece. Not only did these conversations help me see the piece from a different perspective, they gave me complete trust in Judith's ability to see the vision and make it better through costuming. As time passed and she brought me costumes to try out, my faith in her ability continued to grow and my gratitude for her sheer presence continued to deepen.

Because I'm not a costume designer, and I could never have made the costumes look this good on my own. What began as an urge to work with someone I liked and respected became a lesson in trusting the process of letting go of control. By designating the job of costume designer to Judith, who's really really good at it, the costumes and the piece are better. I am grateful for this lesson and I am REALLY grateful to Judith for the costume!

In the next few days, an interview with Judith herself will be on this web page. In addition to Judith, we will also post interviews featuring JaMeeka Holloway-Burrell, the Technical Director, and Josephine Decker, the Dramaturg. Stay tuned!

Getting to know the IMAGO team week! Wednesday: Jet Lag

Yesterday I flew from Berlin to LA. It was a long day (23 hours of awakeness - during the entire flight I cursed the airline for not turning out the lights in the plane, as we followed the sun westward...and then blessed them last night as my head hit the pillow, that I was tired enough to fall asleep almost immediately because I rested not at all on the plane). The travel, and accompanying recalibration to the new time, weather, and place, has thrown off my intentions to release an interview a day this week! But I wanted to say hi anyway. Here's a photo I took from the plane.


I like the camera reflection on the window.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, when we will resume our Getting to know the team week! And if you haven't yet, be sure to check out our Kickstarter page and donate to support these fine folks!